Exploring Your Sense of Self

Chapter 1

Collecting Images

Welcome back. This tool is called Sense of Self and it's a way for you to explore your sense of yourself, your life, your worldview before and after your loss. Oftentimes in loss there's just a very clear line. There is before this happened and then there is the world or your life after this happened. And this is a way to get a visual representation and start to integrate those two times. First we'll start with creating a representation of yourself before your loss. So this invites you to go back to your beliefs, your worldview, your sense of self, how it was to be you before your loss. And you'll create an image of this and there are lots of ways you could do this. You could use color, you could paint or draw, you could collage, which is what we'll explore today. It starts with collecting images. So you might go through magazines, just flip through and trust what you see if you see an image that sparks your interest or catches your attention and you're not really sure why, you don't have to understand it, tear or cut that image out and just set it aside. Just have some like start to collect a little repository of images that speak to you. Again related to as you're holding this idea of yourself before your loss. This can also be photos. You can go back through photos, you can look at Facebook or even Instagram and and get photos of yourself prior to this loss. You might want to or you might consider making photo copies of those photos. You can also work with originals if that feels right to you. So this is a good time to start collecting some supplies. In addition to any magazines or photos you could also use crayons, color, paints. You can use even tangible things like yarn or lace, anything at all can go on your image. Grab a piece of paper that will be the back of the image and then you'll definitely want some scissors and glue.

Chapter 2

Making the Collage

So now we're going to make the collage and to share with you a collage that I have made, one of the collages I've made because I've done this many times sort of throughout my my grief experience just to reflect different aspects of that. One of the collages that I've made I'll talk through so that you have a little bit of an example of the symbolism, why I chose the things I chose, which might be totally different than the things you choose. This is just an example. So the center image of my collage is this bronzed glittery goddess looking woman and it's this is how I identified just you know my sense of the world just sort of beautiful and and glamorous glittery. So she's the center of my collage. Next I used the image of an eagle or a hawk. I really love hawks they're sort of like a spirit or totem animal for me and just that the wingspan, the openness of sky, the clarity of sight and aim. So that went on my collage. There was a picture of space, the cosmos and the swirling cosmic energy. I just I loved that image. I didn't even really know why but it went on the collage. There was also a picture of a river and this beautiful nature scene with the light coming through, outdoors being in outdoors and in nature is a huge part of my life. That felt really pristine and beautiful and quiet and spacious so that's there. There's also a picture of New York City because it's my favorite place and I had planned on moving there. So there's a picture of a Central Park which is just one of my favorite places ever and then the backdrop of the city. There are a couple of more kind of mystical cosmic images. There's one a line drawing of a unicorn. It's very fine line drawing that felt kind of mysterious and then there's another image of moon stars and I just liked that kind of woo-woo image and the last image is of an open book. I love writing. There are some crystals there. I just I thought it was a really sweet image that evoked kind of possibility to me and that was really how I felt before in that prior sense of self. It just felt so much possibility and strength in myself. So that's one version of my before. So now it's your turn. Collect images, gather words, colors, whatever speaks to you and then see how it might come together on the page. This representation of you and your sense of self before your loss. I'll see you in the next video. So you have your before

Chapter 3

Transforming the Collage

image now and the next invitation in this tool is to acknowledge that you are not the same person. Life is not the same as it was before and we can work with this truth in a number of different ways with this image. You could choose to make a completely new after image in the same way that you just made the before.

Collecting, gathering, cutting, pasting, a whole new image, a whole new representation of you. That's one way you could work with this. You could layer over representing the ways your your life has been added on and and rearranged a little bit. You could cut or tear up this image of before that you just made. Again as a way to symbolically say life my life has been dismantled. Maybe you feel like your life has been shattered and this might be a way to symbolize that through the image. So that's the invitation that I'm going to take here. I'm going to cut up my image, taking some scissors, being with my image for as long as I want to, really spending some time taking this in and being with the symbolism of this gesture and don't do it before you're ready. So it might be that you listen to this invitation and you step away and you come back when the timing feels right. So as I come to the cutting of my image it feels symbolic for me to cut through the corner of Central Park in New York City and it feels important to cut through this image of the glittery goddess woman. As I go up I'm actually cutting off a part of the hawk wing. So I might just sit with these pieces for a moment and then when I feel ready I'm going to cut through this, through the lake, through the reflection, the sunshine, the brilliance, up through that image of the little unicorn and then out through the corner. I'm not going to cut all the way through the book because that still feels really important and some of that is still intact but I'm cutting through the corner of it because it's different. I'm going to cut again through the scene of nature and through the little mystical piece of the unicorn and as I sit with this it it feels like I need to cut again through New York City. A lot of dreams there having been dismantled. I'm cutting up through the cosmos but I'm not totally cutting that in half again there's there's still something meaningful there and you can cut this as many times or as few times in as many ways as it feels right to you. You can keep coming back to it if it feels right to set it down and then come back until you feel like what needs to come through has been expressed in this tearing or cutting or layering over. The last

Chapter 4

Rebuilding the Collage

piece of this exploration is finding integration, acknowledging that we are learning or inventing a new sense of self after loss. So we can represent this by making in an after image and like you did for the before image you can go through and collect pictures, collect any kind of words or images anything at all any textures that help you communicate this now new sense of self this new identity and again you can layer over you might find that some of the pieces that you cut up or tore up don't fit anymore they just don't even belong in this new sense of self you might find that some do that you add new images or that you make layers or stagger it it's completely up to you really trust yourself and go with your intuition. I'd like to share the representation of my

Chapter 5

Michelle's After Image

after image from the before image that you saw previously. Some of the pieces didn't fit anymore. I took that main center picture of the goddess woman and I wanted to use her but I had to turn her upside down because my life is kind of upside down compared to what it was before like the glitter is maybe still there but it's like someone dumped your purse out on the floor and it's just kind of everywhere. I took a couple pictures of the nature scene they fit in but I also added an image of a person walking through the trees there's a great sense of aloneness in that photo loneliness unknown in that photo. I found a picture of a little flower growing out of a crack in the sidewalk and that felt a little bit hopeful like there's there is resilience and I can move forward even against the barren with a little bit of flowering. I kept one of the pieces of New York City because it's still my favorite place it's still my heart home and the picture of the book the open book which now symbolizes something different it symbolizes writing in a new way sharing part of my experience of grief and loss and then I added a picture of a building that looks like it's being blown up it's falling down there's some destruction and it just that just felt appropriate there's a part of my life that's no longer standing the way it was it doesn't need to be really depressing it just is it's it's different now so that's the way this turned out for me I hope this exploration for you has revealed insights maybe just made you curious about your sense of self before and after your loss there are some reflection questions to help you in that investigation in the next video

Chapter 6

Reflection Questions

reflection questions for the sense of self exercise question number one how was it to go back and revisit take yourself back in time to that prior sense of self prior to your loss what came up for you is there anything you would like to ask that image or does that image have anything it would like to say to you reflect on the aspects of your life that have been rearranged because of this loss maybe your public persona maybe your social life maybe your work probably your future sense of self we have a future self in mind you might call it your dream or your fantasy how is that future self rearranged if you chose to cut up the pieces or tear your prior identity your prior sense of self apart is there anything that you would ask of those pieces and is there anything that those pieces want to share with you what's your reaction to the idea of picking up the pieces and creating a new identity a new sense of self what would you ask the put back together version of yourself this after image of yourself and is there anything that it would like to tell you thank you

Chapter 7

Thank You

so much for your willingness to go here even if it's just in your mind this is not about an end product this is not about finding answers or doing it right this is an investigation that we step into with curiosity as much as we can and so even if this doesn't feel like something you want to physically do right now just the imagining be with what comes up for you in the imagining of the exercise and being with your emotion in that way of in and of itself has value really sitting with the feelings and having a sense of holding around that again thank you so much for your participation I look forward to hearing about your explorations in the comments